Kissing Frogs.

I have decided to be more optimistic when I go through a break up. I know that sounds completely insane, but hey, that's how I have fun. But I've decided that I don't necessarily date assholes. They're just not my Prince Charming, they're someone else's Prince Charming. So even though it hurts me now, it's better in the long run. It's better than burying myself in junk food, although I did that too. I've decided not to try to date anyone. I'm really good at finding people that aren't right for me, generally compulsive liars and cheaters. But that's okay. I do have one guy in my life who is absolutely perfect, but he lives in my belly right now. Also, I've realized I don't actually want a relationship at all. I just want someone who will pay for my food. But I don't want to eat with them. Or talk to them. Or look at them. And I definitely don't want to put out. So if anyone knows someone interested in buying a pregnant girl food all the time, send them my way.
Also, in case you were curious, my pregnancy pillow is probably the best thing ever. Seriously, invest in one whenever you're pregnant. Best $60 I've ever spent. I sleep through the night! I'm really excited about that because I'm trying to get as much sleep as is humanly possible over the next twelve weeks. Yeah, did I mention that I'm due in twelve weeks? Isn't that just insane? I'm not totally sure I'm ready to have hom here, but I know I am definitely ready to not be pregnant anymore. You know the movie of What To Expect? Well, I'm the lady who gets upon stage for a speech, takes off her bra and declares "this is bullshit".
Alright, I'm going to bed because I'm exhausted even though I took a three hour nap.