I think the weather's broken.

Ah, Utah. You never know what’s going to happen. So I really shouldn’t have been surprised when I woke up to six inches of snow this morning. That’s not a rare occurrence, so I didn’t think anything of it when I left for work this morning. Now, only having my car a couple weeks, I’d never driven it in the snow. My mom has a Kia, which does great, so I thought ours would too. I have never been so wrong in my life. The only time I was able come to a complete stop was when I got stuck, which happened a couple times. I ended up in the parking lot of my old orthodontist, crying. I called my boss and told her  I wasn’t coming to work and all she said was “well, it’s not snowing here.”

Okay, that’s cool, but it was snowing so bad where I was that I genuinely felt that if I got on the freeway, my car would spin out of control and I’d hit someone, or roll my car and kill myself. Or that someone would hit me. That’s not a risk I was willing to take. My car was sliding out going fifteen miles an hour.

She also said that I need to stop calling in to work. Uhm, what? Today was the first day I’ve ever called in. And I’m pretty sure “I don’t want to die” is a good reason to call into work. Even if I lived through a crash, what I make at my lovely job wouldn’t even begin to cover medical bills. So yeah, not risking my life to go to work.

Instead, I came back home, crawled into bed, and slept until 2. It was awesome. So now I’m just hanging out in bed, wondering when my mama is going to bring Marceline home.

Speaking of my mama, yesterday was her birthday! How exciting is that?!... It actually wasn’t. Mama was sick, so she spent her birthday in bed watching the Dog Whisperer. After she got home from worl, that is. That’s okay though, we’re taking her out to the movies tomorrow night.

In addition to that, I woke up with what I call “Princess hair,” which basically just means that I went to bed with my hair wet and woke up with it crazy curly. Also, yesterday the boyfriend and I have been together for six months, Marcy turned 12 weeks old, AND my best friend who is in the Navy is on Shore Leave and got back home! So yesterday was a very good day for me.

Tonight, the boyfriend and I got sushi from our favorite place, we’re gonna go out for ice cream and hopefully we’ll actually do my sidepiece tonight.

That’s all I have for today, have a magically weekend!

Parking Lot Ducks, Puppy Birthdays, and Christian Mingle.

Do you ever get those days where you’re just exhausted and you have no time or way to sleep at all? You wake up exhausted, spend all day exhausted and go to sleep exhausted, you know? Well, that’s how I’ve felt for the past five weeks. No one told me raising a puppy was this exhausting. I know, I’m using that word a lot, but that’s the best way I can describe it. I mean, Marceline is totally worth it. I love her with everything I have. The biting and the scratching and the humping is a little bit ridiculous, but that’s okay because she’s cute and I love her. She’s 3 months old today, and we’ve had her for 5 weeks today, so it’s a pretty special day in our household. We also did a lot of training with her today. She laid down on command for the first time, she’s learning to stay, and I’m teaching her to give kisses on command, and only lick when she’s asked for kisses. She’s so freaking smart, it’s insane.

Also, tomorrow is my mom’s “twenty-seventh” birthday, so we’re going to see the Great and Powerfu Oz because she’s weird about the Wizard. And I don’t mean the badass Harry Potter wizards. I don’t think she’s even made it through all the books, and definitely not all the movies. I could be wrong about the books. My mom is an avid reader, just like me.

Okay, one of those Christian Mingle commercials just came on, and I just have to express how ridiculous I think that is. “Find God’s match for you”, is their slogan. Okay, so while there are innocent people dying, God is busy playing matchmaker for everyone on Earth? I don’t think that’s how Holy Deities work. I guess I could be wrong. Maybe he enjoys it as much as all the rest of us do. I could be wrong about that though.

The boyfriend and I bought a car about a month ago, so we went today to make our first payment (they said that because we made the down payment in cash, we have to pay for it there. Sucks, right?) and there was a duck just hanging out in the parking lot. Just standing right in one of the rows. There were cars driving all around and the duck just kinda stood there like “I don’t give a fuck, I’m invincible, bitches!” I got out of the car and started walking towards it to take a picture, and at first it just stood there. When I was about five feet away, it gave me a weird look, turned around and started walking. But it kept glancing back at me. It was the weirdest duck I’ve ever met in my life. Not that I’ve met many ducks.

Just to let you know, if my language offends you at all, SUCK IT UP. My screen name on here is Disney Princess With A Pottymouth. What the Hell did you expect?!

Hello, my name is Belle, and I'm addicted to serial killers.

I don’t know how to start off this blog, so I’m just gonna start it off by just saying that I don’t know how to. So there that is.

Okay, so, let me just say that yesterday I watched the pilot episode of the new show Twisted, and I seriously don’t think Avan Jogia could get any more beautiful. The first time I saw him on Victorious, my first thought was that he looks like Aladdin. Seriously, if you haven’t seen him, Google him. Try to tell me that he doesn’t look like Aladdin. That’s right, you can’t. He’s beautimus. He’s got a voice like hearing music for the first time, and a face that makes you think you’ve died and gone to Heaven. I used to tease the ex, saying that I only married him because he looked a teensie tiny bit like Aladdin. He hated it. Yeah, I have issues, I know.

Anyway, instead of totally gushing over Avan Jogia’s beauty, I’m gonna focus on the show. Okay, maybe a little bit on him. The show is about a boy who kills his aunt when he’s eleven, spends five years in the slammer for it, then goes back to high school.

Now, I love serial killers. I don’t know why, but I do. So to see a boy who looks like my favorite Disney prince who is also a serial killer is awesome for me.

Let me rephrase what I said before. Serial killers fascinate me. I want to dissect them, figure out how their brain works. It’s not like I worship them and will eventually become one. I just want to figure out if there’s something that makes them the way they are.

In other news, Marceline has gained almost five pounds in 9 days. She’s getting so big. When we got her, she weighed under 15 pounds. Now she weighs 26. Pretty sure she’s just fat. Fat puppies are healthy puppies, so that’s good. Also, today at work, instead of answering the phone with “Hello, thank you for calling Verizon Wireless, my name is Scapegoat,” I almost answered it with “Thanks for calling the Enchanted Castle, this is Belle.” Uhm, wtf?

Ah, this is the story of my life. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I swear, I don't even know what day it is.

Can today be over yet? Today was my Monday, and if you’ve ever worked in a call center, you know that they suck the life out of you. Kind of like babies… Or puppies. You know, from what I’ve heard. I’d NEVER say that about Marceline (help, she can sense what I’m typing!). Immediately after leaving my soul-sucking job, I had to go to the doctor’s office and wait forty-five minutes for them to tell me that my test results came back normal. Let me just clarify here, I love my job. You know, sometimes I actually get to feel like I’m helping people. I love the people that I work with. They make me laugh, and keep my mood up all day. It’s just the people who scream “God damn, you’re a fucking idiot!” and sitting in a chair for eight hours with like, no break from that. That part sucks. I always wanna say “yeah, I’m pretty sure YOU’RE the fucking idiot. I was trained on this for what felt like half of my life!” But then I’d lose my job. So I just smile and try not to grit my teeth as I say “I completely understand” just to have them tell me I’m basically not a human so I can’t understand emotions. I like helping people. Even if it’s not anything big. Hugging a total random stranger when I see them bawling as hard as they can. Buying someone a water from the vending machines when they can’t afford to. Stuff like that. It’s not anything big, but I’ve learned that things like that can mean the world to someone. But, you know, I don’t want to have this job forever. Really what I want is to be independently wealthy and just sit on the from porch eating bon-bons and drinking iced tea. But, every morning I wake up beautiful instead of rich (ha!), so I guess that’s not actually gonna happen anytime soon. It’s not so much that I want to be rich. I just want to be stable, I guess you could call it. I look at my mom and, even though she struggles to make ends meet, she still does it. She’s never late on any of her bills. She drives a nice car, and has a nice house, and still has some money to get some things she wants. I mean, she can’t buy everything she wants. That’s what I want. Also, I want money to be able to travel and get tattoos, which mom doesn’t really want. She’s afraid of flying, and says she “can’t find anything she likes enough to live with forever.”

We’re polar opposites in that aspect. They put me to sleep, comfort me. Speaking of which, I’m adding on to my side piece tonight. If you guessed that it has something to do with Disney, you’re totally right. I think I’m becoming more obsessed every day. Seriously. This is the third time in less than 24 hours that I’ve watched Tangled. I think I need help. A twelve step program. But at the same time, I just want to whip out my Disney coloring books and crayons and make a fort. Anyone with me, or do you LIKE being adults? Also, last night, the boyfriend and I were talking last night about having a Disney Princess themed wedding, either Beauty and the Beast or Rapunzel. Yes, you read that right. Don’t worry, I’m still making him wait until we’ve been dating at least 6 years. But it is kind of fun to think about. I even found a castle we could get married in. And they have princess inspired engagement rings.

If you look at the boyfriend, he definitely looks the most like Prince Adam. You know, once he’s not a beast anymore. Longish hair, sharp features, all that beautiful shit. And then there’s the Tangled idea. The boyfriend apparently has a thing for blondes (I’ve been a brunette almost the entire time I’ve known him. Occasional crazy colors were thrown in, too). Also, Rapunzel is barefoot the whole movie and I hate wearing shoes.

We don’t have any plans set in stone, at all, but it’s fun to dream about my happily ever after. Also, if anyone knows of a twelve step program for Disney addiction, let me know.

This is the beginning

My mom is a writer. It’s in my blood, coursing through my veins. Yet every time I try to write, I lack the motivation to put pen to paper (or in this case, fingers to keyboard). So I figured, what better to write about than this crazy thing called life? I won’t need to find motivation to write about a fictional character, because this is life. Everyone goes through it. And let’s be honest here, we love to laugh at other people’s mistakes or funny experiences. Well, that works for me, because that’s pretty much all my life is. Let me give you a little background story. I’m nineteen years old and going through a divorce. Yeah, getting married was the first big mistake. I can laugh about it now; we’ve been separated almost a year. It’s also been almost a year since we got married. Yeah, you can see how well that worked out. I started dating my best friend of two years about 2 months after the ex and I separated, and even though he makes me crazy sometimes, I can’t imagine life without him. We adopted a black lab/border collie mix on Valetine’s day. She’s twelve weeks old, so I’m sure you can imagine the insanity she puts us through. My days are filled with “No, Marcy, don’t chew that”, and “No, Marcy, don’t bite mommy’s arm,” and “Marceline, quit humping Clementine!” Clementine is our eight year old one-eyed shih tzu. She hates other dogs, and is an escape artist. Most recently, she escaped and was found on the side of the highway, without her tags, at one in the morning. And then there’s my mom. I can’t think of a way to describe her that won’t make her sound totally crazy. But, you know, she is. I’m not talking like, she should be institutionalized because she’s a threat to herself and others (although she did go to anger management once), I’m talking dysfunctional. Sometimes, I almost pee myself laughing when I read her blogs. Even if it’s something I’m there for, or a story that I’ve heard a thousand times. The way things go through her brain is hilarious. There are times where I’ll say something, and then think to myself “holy shit, my mother just came out of my mouth.” Also, I know all the words to a bunch of Disney movies. I spend my days off work laying in bed with Marceline, watching Disney movies and trying to convince her not to “help” me write.  That’s everyone in my little household.

That’s how today has gone. Aside from the stomach ulcer AND cold (how much does that suck?), I’ve spent the day watching Aladdin and Hercules, singing along at the top of my lungs, and trying to get Marceline to stop humping Clementine. I didn’t even know girl dogs humped things, until she did it to my four year old sister’s unicorn pillow pet. In all fairness, Princess Munchkin gave her the pillow pet, so I guess she can do what she wants with it. Princess Munchkin is a very funny little girl. She has her own way of doing and saying things, and she’ll tell you. For example, she calls strawberries “spazberries”, and if you call them strawberries, she’ll act like she has no idea what you’re talking about, even though she knows damn well what a strawberry is. She’s brilliant, and definitely shares my photographic memory. I’m hoping that the good will rub off on her, and the crazy won’t, but I don’t see that happening. She’s already got so much of it. I love when we keep her for the weekend, we don’t get to see her often. But every time we see her, she’s more of a handful.

Our aunt and uncle came up here from out of state to meet my cousin’s new baby, and took Princess Munchkin, the boyfriend and I out to eat at Joe’s Crab Shack. I swear, you’ve never seen a four year old who loves seafood more than Princess Munchkin. If you let her, she’ll eat until she literally can’t anymore. Every year, my mom’s sister flies crabs in from the east coast (where we’re all from, except Princess Munchkin), and even though Princess Munchkin is from my father’s side of the family, my mom’s side accepts her. It’s not her fault she was born the daughter of an asshole, just like it’s not my fault. And let me just say, Princess Munchkin’s mom is amazing. I’ve known her ten years, and she is just the best kind of person. Anyway, seafood. We’ve been taking Princess Munchkin to eat crab over there since… I believe she was not quite two. She’ll be five this summer, so it’s been a while. Kid can eat some seafood. She loves it. Any kind of seafood you put in front of her. So far, I think I’ve only seen her eat calamari, shrimp, crab, lobster and crawfish. Still, for a four year old, that’s incredible. When I was four, I refused to eat that kind of stuff. I thought it was disgusting.

I work a dead-end job at a call center, but I hope to make a living off my writing. I’m just a simple girl, with a crazy life, who one day wants to see her happily ever after. Maybe that’s why I’m addicted to Disney. Speaking of which, I’m off to see how many Disney movies I can get on my phone.